I made it through the first week

I just made it through my first week of work. It was much better than I thought it would be and I am so glad. It is very hard adjusting to a long work day away from home and I do miss my kids and husband so much. But, I was pleasantly surprised and blessed by the great people in my office and by very encouraging boss. I know that it was all made possible by God and I also was very blessed by my husband doing such a great job taking care of our children at home and running the house so well. Thanks Mike! I love you! I am glad that he is staying home with them for at least these first few weeks. It feels like a smaller step to take and easier for me than having to take them to day care and worry about that all day. I hope that next week will be even greater!

I'm going to work!!

Well, after a couple of weeks of applying for jobs and praying for the right opportunity God has blessed me and my family with a job for me to do. I was interviewed and offered a job today with Wells Fargo Bank. I used to work for them a few years ago so it will be familiar to me and the branch is fairly close to home so I won't be driving far. I think it will work for me, it will be a very big adjustment to go back to work and balance my family and a job. I have a week to get ready and get organized before I have to start. I really want to feel like I am organized and ready to go. I am excited and also scared so I will be praying for an easy transition.

Job Hunting

It is a little strange looking for a job after not working for over three years now. It is scary and exciting, but right now it is what I need to do. I have an interview today and possibly some other interviews soon. I sometimes forget to be confident in my abilities since it has been awhile since I have been working. I just hope to find a job that is not too stressful and possibly even fun. It may seem a little funny, but one of my biggest worries is that I don't have much in the way of working clothes anymore. I really weeded out my closet over the past couple of years, especially after having two children. I need to work on adding to my professional wardrobe if I am going to be in an office again. My standard every day dress code of jeans and t-shirts (and sometime pajamas) will not work for me if I get a job. God will provide for me and my family even if it is not what I would have as my first choice right now.

Pivot Points

A couple of weeks ago our church hosted a Ladies Retreat and the theme was "Pivot Points" of life and talked about how God is working in our lives. It was a great weekend with great speakers from our congregation and good discussion time with other women. It was quite a fitting theme for where my life is right now. I am in the middle of a major pivot point for me and my family. While my husband is still looking for work we are relying on God more than ever to provide for us. Over the past week I have really seen some glimpses of how God is working in our life and providing opportunities for Mike to work in ministry again. We have to continue to be patient and wait for God to continue to work on these things for us and rely on Him to provide. It is scary and yet exciting to start to see what God might be doing. A few months ago we were not sure if a ministry job was something that we could see doing in the very near future. God has been able to heal our hearts and rekindle the passion for ministry and now it is something that is very desireable if God choses to open up the right doors. God can do so much in such a short amount of time. It is amazing and I pray that I am content with whatever the Lord provides for us.

Waiting for God's plan

Just when you think that you know what God's plan is for your life you get thrown for a loop. I am thankful that God is in control of my life and that I rely on Him to provide and guide me. It gets confusing though when times are tough and you just don't know where you are going or what direction God wants you to take. I know that God uses these times to stretch us and help us learn and grow. I will be thankful when I come out on the other side, but for now I am trying to be patient in waiting for the unveiling of His plan. I guess we always need to remember that we cannot see the whole picture like God can and that we can't start thinking that we have it all figured out and that nothing will ever change. We can take comfort in the fact that God is guiding us through all the good and bad times and that we can use both experiences to praise God.

Planting a seed

For almost a year now Mike and I have been talking about the idea of getting involved in church planting. It is definitely a subject that we have are gradually getting more excited about and are to the point now that we really feel God is leading us to start taking some action. We are now living in the Beaverton, OR area which is near where we have thought about planting a church. Our idea now is to start working on forming our church plant while Mike works a "secular" job at the same time. We will still be in ministry and will be working toward full-time ministry in the future when we can be fully supported by a church or by individuals who feel strongly about helping our church plant succeed. We have lots of logistics to work out to take the next step and we will be praying about how to go about that now. There are different organizations out there that work with church planting and we may be able to join their program. We already have many ideas about what we would do as a church plant and that has been fun and exciting to brainstorm and think about all the great things we could do.

A new start

Well after not posting for 2 months alot has changed in my life. We are basically starting over. We decided to leave the church that my husband was working for and move back to Oregon. We always hoped we would eventually come back here and live closer to family but we were not planning on doing it this soon or through the situation that we found ourselves in. We are still not completely settled in yet. Mike is looking for a job and we are looking to God to get us through all the changes in our lives. I know that this will be a positive thing, it already has been. We are in a place right now where we can start to heal emotionally and spiritually. It will be good to have some time away from ministry to clear our heads and even have some good time to grow spiritually. We have been lacking some things and just been in an environment that has not allowed us to do that for awhile. We are looking for a church to call our home and have been visiting some churches in our area. We are ready to settle down and just enjoy being a part of a church without all the stresses of working there. I do want to be in ministry in the future, but we are open to go where God wants us and will be looking for the right opportunity.

A good day

I just wanted to take a minute to write about the good day I am having. I feel like I have been experiencing a lot of negative things lately and I want to remember that I had a good day today. It was not a particularly special day in any way. I stayed home mostly and went out for an hour at lunch time to go grocery shopping by myself while Mike stayed home with the kids. It is very exhausting to take both kids with me to shop right now. What has made this day good is very simple. I have been able to keep a good attitude and felt good about the things I have done. My 2 year old daughter has been pretty good and obedient overall, that is great in itself! My 4 month old has been on a great schedule and been happy all day! I cleaned up an area of my home that has been neglected for awhile now. It has been a normal day at home, and it has been great! I have been feeling really stressed lately and have been thinking alot about what to do about it and how to reduce the stress in my life. I have decided that for right now I need to cut out some things that I am involved in and responsible for. I have reached a point where I have too much on my plate. I was handling it all just fine before I had Jordan this summer. After that I started having a hard time keeping up and my 2 year old started acting like a 2 year old which meant I had more work on my hands too. I think that I feel better now that I have made some decisions to give up some things. I need to put my family first. I need to focus on my marriage, my children, and my home for awhile until I feel like I have more balance in my life. I hope I can do this without feeling too guilty about the things I have to say no to. I feel like I am already getting over that part though.

Does ministry isolate?

I love working in ministry. I love helping others, and especially love being involved with teens and helping them grow spiritually. One part of being in ministry with teens is that it is hard to balance your own spiritual and social needs. I am feeling very isolated from the rest of the adults in the church right now because we don't have many opportunities to be around them and involved in programs that are designed for the adults. Our adult small groups are one of the main places where people connect with each other and get to know each other better. We have not been in a small group for almost a year now and that is taking its toll. If we are always with the teens because that is the "job" we are here to do, then when do we ever connect with the adults? Life is so hectic and busy right now that it is very hard to find time to get together with people outside of scheduled church activities. Hopefully we will be able to find some balance soon!

Friends are Forever

Remember the song "Friends are Friends Forever" by Michael W. Smith. I remember singing it on the last night of camp and crying when I was a teenager. But the words are so true. I have been so blessed in my 29 years of life to have made a few really good friends that really do last forever. We may not be able to talk every day or do things together all the time, but we remain close in our hearts. I used to think that I could only have one best friend, and I was constantly striving to have that one close friendship that I would be able to talk to about anything and everything. Well, I have learned alot about friendships and am coming to realize that God puts people in my life at the right time for awhile and they may not remain in my day to day life forever, but they remain a close friend forever. There have been times in my recent past when I did not have a close friend that I could talk to and see on a regular basis because I moved away or they moved. Those are hard times, but I have learned from it. I have been blessed so many times with friends that God put in my life and I have grown from their friendships. I thank God for those times especially. I know that even though I am going through a difficult time right now with having a good friend move away, God will continue to bless me with friends in the future and I now have even more friends that will last throughout my life and into eternity.

Buried in laundry!

The addition of a baby to our household seems to have doubled the amount of laundry in the house. Why is it that the smallest person in the home makes the biggest messes? Jordan is almost 4 months old now. He is such a good baby, and he is happy most of the time. One of the things that has been different with him is that he spits up all the time. He probably goes through 3 or 4 sets of clothes every day. I have gotten to the point where if we are just staying home during the day I will wait until he spits up at least 3 times on his clothes before he gets clean ones. On most days I even have to change my clothes at least one time. And the same rule applies to me, I have to have been spit up on more than one time to constitute a clean set of clothes. I remember one day when in a matter of 15 minutes he spit up all over my shirt and then peed on my pants when I was changing him. I can't wait to get my next water bill to see how much all this extra laundry is costing me! I think that things will start to slow down in a couple of months. I hope so! For now I will continue to try to keep up with all the washing, drying, folding, and putting clothes away. It is so tiring when you feel like you never get anything accomplished. As soon as you get a few loads done, there are more piles to wash.

Even with all the extra work involved, I am having a great time with my kids. I am so blessed to have 2 beautiful children and to be able to stay home and take care of them.

Rumor Weed

Have you seen the Veggie Tales video about Larry Boy and the Rumor Weed? Right now that is one of my daughter's favorite things to watch. It is very ironic that she is so drawn to that particular one right now because it is exactly what has been happening in my life over the past month. As the situation dies down and the truth starts to come out I can start to see how small it started and then how big it grew. It is just a wake up call to remind me that if I EVER get a feeling that someone is even POSSIBLY upset about something to not dismiss it, but rather ask about it and get it straightened out before it has a chance to grow. Sometimes you just get a feeling about something and you don't want to make a big deal out of it because you thing it will turn out to be nothing. Most of the time that would probably be ok, but then there is that ONE TIME in a million that there is something going on and it just gets worse the longer it goes on. People are very sensitive creatures and we are very self concious and sometimes that makes us think that someone is being critical about us when they are not. It seems that is what happened in my situation and it got twisted and turned all around and grew into a big rumor weed. I just wish I had known about it sooner and I might have been able to clear things up much easier.

Fortunately, God can heal all our problems and hurts. I am praying that over time He helps heal mine and the others involved also. I also pray that anybody that is still hearing about the rumors can realize that it was all based on a lie and that the people involved would never do or say the things that are being passed around. It is very hard when you know people are being told lies about you and that they would even consider believing them. The only way I can truly get through this is with God. I know for sure that He can be trusted!

Toby Mac Concert

On Saturday September 24th Mike and I went to the Toby Mac concert in Redmond, WA. It was pretty cool. He was joined by his old DC Talk buddies Michael Tait and Kevin Max. They all did their own solo stuff and then finally did 2 songs together at the very end. I just love going to Christian concerts and have been to quite a few over the years. It always is so encouraging to be together with thousands of Christians in one spot to have fun together and praise God at the same time.

I have to admit that it is a little weird now that I am older and not in high school and college anymore. I look around at all the people who came to the concert. This concert was actually very diverse in age. There was everything from infants to over 50. There were quite a few families that came together. The parents in their 30's and 40's and kids in elementary through high school. There was one family in front of us that I could not help but notice. I kept thinking that it was what my family could look like in a few years. The mom and dad were there with their 2 sons. The parents were just as excited, if not more, to be there as the kids were. They were clapping and singing along and dancing the whole time. They seemed to know every word to every song and tried to be as cool as possible. I started realizing that once you get older you just can't help but look a little weird and dorky. I guess that is in my future too. I hope that I am a cool parent when my kids get older, but even if I am not I still want to have fun and enjoy being with my kids.

But the concert was good. Not quite as good as the last one we went to with Third Day and Toby Mac, but it was cool to see all 3 guys from DC Talk together. That doesn't happen very often! I look forward to the next concert we get to go to. Maybe I can stay young a little while longer.

8 hours of sleep!

My son Jordan is 3 months old today! He has been different from his older sister Madeline in some ways and one of them is in sleep. Since he was born he has only gone 2-3 hours between feedings day or night. A few times he went 4 hours and once for 5, but most of the time it was 3 hours max! This has been very exhausting for me and Mike, but mostly for me. We had a really busy summer and didn't get Jordan set up in his own room until just this past week. We had alot of rearranging and moving around to do before we could accomplish this, but we finally did. Well, the first 2 nights in his own room and in his crib he slept for 6 hours and then last night he slept for 8 hours! I am so excited and I pray that this pattern continues. I was starting to think I would never sleep through even half the night without having to get up to feed him. Praise the Lord!!

I hate it when friends move away!

We have now been living in Oak Harbor, WA for almost 2 1/2 years now. Things have been busy since the day we arrived with our church and youth ministry. Over the past year I finally found myself settling into life here and making a couple of good solid friendships. One of those friendships has really become strong. Jessica has been one of my only best friends that I have made since I was in college almost 10 years ago! She has been such a blessing in my life and has been such a great friend to me that it is hard to describe. It had been so long since I had a best friend that was not hundreds of miles away and we could talk every day and hang out as much as we wanted. Well, in just a couple of weeks Jessica and her husband and two girls are moving to Georgia. I am not prepared for this and do not want this to happen! When we moved here I knew that this was a Navy town and that people are always coming and going. I just didn't count on making any good friends I guess. After Mike and I moved away from Oregon where I grew up almost 5 years ago I did not understand what it would be like to live so far away from our family and close friends. I think we assumed we would not be away very long and that it was just a temporary thing that would not be a big deal. Well, now that I have found such a good friend I have to deal with the fact that she will not be here in the same town or the same church as me anymore. We will still be friends, but it will be long distance. About as far apart as we could get without her leaving the country!! I just pray that God gives me strength to endure this and strength for Jessica too. I know that we will all be ok, but that does not mean it will be easy.

God is Trustworthy!!

The doubts that I have been having are not because I do not think God is trustworthy. I think it is more about not trusting myself. And the good news is that I don't have to trust myself. I have God on my side and He is taking care of me and my family. I don't have to be good enough or smart enough or anything else. I have felt a peace come over me and do not fear the unknown as much. I will need to remind myself who my trust is in. But thank goodness I don't have to do it on my own! When we put our trust in God and allow Him to be #1 in our lives things are so much easier. That does not mean that I will not have any struggles, but the struggle I will have will be easier to handle with God.

How Much Do I Trust God?

I am supposed to be cooking something for potluck at church right now, but I keep putting off posting and I hate not keeping up with it. I will figure something out for dinner, but for now I have some thoughts that I will try to keep short.

God is working really hard in the lives of myself and my husband right now. We have grown so much in our spiritual ideas over the past couple of years. I don't take as much study time as I should, but I really enjoy discussing things with Mike and we seem to always support each others ideas. I am so blessed to have a Christian husband who is really passionate for Christ and for reaching lost souls.

The question is now, how much do I trust God? With some of our new understanding of scripture we can't ignore the real reason we serve God. That is to reach lost souls and share Christ with them. We have to think outside the box and reach those that our churches are not reaching right now. This can be really scary when I have become so comfortable in my life and my safe place at church. I don't have to be with people that make me uncomfortable or are different from me. But that is what God has been telling us we must do.

There are alot of other things that go along with that. We are praying that God use us in our ministry to do this. We are praying that God shows us his plan for us and how we should minister. We are praying that God show us where we need to minister. I do not do well when I can't see the future and make plans accordingly. I am getting better at trusting that God will provide for me and my family, but it is a challenge. I want to get better at this, and am telling God every day that I am working on it.

my son

God gets us through

Haven't we all wondered if it really is true that God won't give us more than we can handle? I know there have been many times that I have asked that question. It seems that the world and satan throw us so many curve balls in life. Yet somehow we survive it. When we are right in the middle of it, it feels unbearable. But once we reach the other side, we feel stronger and wiser. It is a painful process that we go through to be molded into holy and godly people. It starts when we are born, and I am guessing that it keeps going until we die. I see a big increase in the "pain" during the teen years. My heart goes out to the teens in our youth ministry. They are dealing with so much and have so little knowledge of how to handle most of it. I guess that we all learn by experience, and by failure and success. It is so hard to watch others go through it and not be able to express what you learned when you went through it the way you want to express it. I hope to get better at this as I have opportunity to talk to them about their struggles.

Girls' ministry

I have had it on my heart for awhile that I wanted to have an acitve girls' ministry within the youth ministry at our church. I am finally taking some small steps to start making that happen and it is very exciting. As with many things it is starting out small. We are just doing some fun outings and get togethers to try to form some closer relationships within the group. We went to the movies a few weeks ago and saw Miss Congeniality 2. It was a good girl movie and was pretty funny too. Next weekend I am hosting a sleepover at my house while my husband is at a weekend retreat. I hope that I get a good turnout and that everyone has a lot of fun! I would like to eventually have a girls' Bible study once a week or so too. I am waiting to see how God brings this all together. If nothing else, I am proud to have done something now instead of putting it off even farther into the future.